| A selection from For the Birds by Scott Swenson Busch Gardens Tampa, 1998 to present M.C.: Now let’s welcome a friend all the way from South America. (Trainer has entered from back stage and is trying to get the M.C.’s attention) Trainer: Psst. M.C.: (This line is delivered with great pride in the “clever” pun) She is a Military Macaw with “4 star” talent…”generally” speaking. Trainer: ________(M.C.’s Name) I need to talk to you. M.C.: (To the trainer) About that great pun? Trainer: No, about Fifi! M.C.: (To Trainer) Well, I’m just about to introduce her. (To Audience) Ladies and gentlemen, please give a huge round of applause for Fifi the Military Macaw! (M.C. gestures to back stage left and nothing happens. The trainer, frustrated with the M.C.’s lack of attention, stands with arm crossed.) M.C.: (slightly flustered) Ladies and Gentleman, let’s welcome the beautiful…the talented… Trainer: …the missing. M.C.: …the missing…(M.C. realizes what the trainer said) The missing? What do you mean Fifi is missing? Trainer: I mean she’s not here! I found this note in her dressing room. (handing note to M.C.) M.C.: (Quickly reads the note to himself/herself) It appears that Fifi has “flown the coop”, so to speak. This is terrible! What I would give to have her back…I’d give her more bird seed…I’d give her more attention…I’d even give her more money.(the sound of a cash register is heard as Fifi flies on stage to the trainer.) (looking at Fifi) It’s always about money, isn’t it? O.K., I’ve got an extra dollar. (M.C. checks his/her pockets to find then empty) Uh-oh, I’m a little short on cash. ________(Trainer’s name) do you have a dollar? Trainer: Nope, sorry. M.C.: This is really embarrassing. (Sheepishly to the audience) Does anyone out there have a dollar bill? (find a guest, preferably an adult male, with a dollar bill) Could you stand up sir? What is your name? (Guest responds) And where are you from? (Guest responds) Thank you, you’ve just volunteered. Trainer: (To Guest) Sir, if you could please put your left arm in front of you like this. Great, now hold the dollar bill in you right hand, pointing up so Fifi can see it. Perfect! O.K. Fifi, go get it! (Fifi flies to the guest and retrieves the dollar bill.) M.C.: (After applause) Now sir do you have a twenty for me? Trainer: (scolding) _________(M.C.’s name) (to guest) He’s just kidding. M.C.: I was? Trainer: (To M.C., sternly) Yes, you were! M.C.: Well, if I don’t get any money, I don’t think it’s fair that Fifi gets to keep her dollar bill. Trainer: You’re right, and I’m sure this gentleman would agree with us. (referring to the guest who furnished the bill.) Sir, if you could put your right arm out like this. (Trainer demonstrates) and your left arm out like this (Trainer demonstrates) M.C.: Go like this. (Flap Arms) and fly down and get it. Trainer: (Looking sharply at the M.C.) He’s just kidding sir. M.C.: I’ve been doing a lot of that recently. Trainer: Hold your left arm like you did before and Fifi will return your dollar bill and give you a big kiss. (Fifi flies to the A.P. and returns his bill and gives him a kiss. A “kiss” sound effect is heard. She then returns to the Trainer.) M.C.: That was great! How about a big hand for Fifi and our brave volunteer. (After the applause) Well, now that we’ve got Fifi’s finances figured out, what else can she do? Trainer: She’s great at flying through hoops. M.C.: Does that make her a “HOOPING CRANE”? (The M.C. styles) Trainer: (not amused) Actually, she’s a parrot not a crane. Crane’s have much longer necks. M.C.: You really know how to kill a joke. Trainer: You don’t need my help for that. (The Trainer styles) M.C.: (dryly) Let’s just see what Fifi can do. |